Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
