u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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