Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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