Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
