Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
