hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
