I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I party with great urgency now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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