barbara walters just said penis...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
