bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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