Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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