I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
