I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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