i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
