I wish I could punch you in the face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
