Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
