Ambien. No doubt about it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
