I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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