Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
