like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
