she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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