my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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