as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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