I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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