He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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