The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
