whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
