I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
