I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
there is glitter all over my balls
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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