i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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