Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
