Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
