I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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