What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
