I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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