i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just cropdusted the office
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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