Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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