Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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