Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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