I CAN MOONWALK!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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