I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
