don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
