you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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