dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
