btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
