Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
