I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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