if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
