either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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