We're facebook friends in real life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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