with your own penis?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
