oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
