woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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