I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
