Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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