11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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