I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
