Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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