So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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