the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
