Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize