You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize