He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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