if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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