God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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