I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
