before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
