I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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